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After Missionary Thoughts

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

It feels like it’s been ages since I last blogged. I received an email from a blog buddy yesterday and I think she is right; it’s time for an update.

We’re officially back in the U.S. Ta-da! The last 2 weeks have been sad for me. I think about Mexico all the time. I dream about being there. I dream about my family in El Salvador. I dream of the travel disasters I’ve had. I dream. I think. I think too much.

I need a job. We don’t have much money and the little money that we have is to buy groceries, gas, and such for the next couple of weeks. So I need a job soon, before that money runs out. My hubby sort of has a job. He is working with a friend fixing cars. Its some cash but we don’t know how long that will last.

I go online whenever I can and I search for jobs and post my resume. I eat and cook for hubby. And repeat the next day. I don’t want to leave the house because that means spending money. I learned in Mexico to live frugally everyday, that means if you have money to run the car and pay for gas you can afford to leave unless it’s absolutely necessary. However, being at home can be so depressing. The difference in Mexico was that I could walk to the store or a friend’s house. Everything here is miles away. I’m not depressed. I will not speak or think that I am depressed. Maybe I’m bored. Maybe I’m not focused. But I know this is not me. I’m outgoing, I’m motivated, I’m a go-getter. I like adventure and enjoy it when I’m so busy that I desperately look for free alone time to spend writing, reading, or praying. That is who I am. Not this.

It seems like the missionary who hiked the mountains, the friend next door who counseled broken women, the wife who bargained at the marketplace, and the daughter of God who anticipated the alone time is so, so, so far away.

I wait patiently on you Lord. You make my sad days bright. Your love comforts me and strengthen my soul. I am yours here, in Mexico, or wherever you take us. Guide me Lord. Open doors and bring the right opportunities. Help us make a new life here. You are faithful. Amen.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Tuesday, May 25, 2010 1:31 PM

    Feels like I’m looking into a mirror! Have you been peeking into my life? 🙂 I recently resigned from a management position (a senior’s residence) after a number of stressful years. I am at a stage in life where I may take on a serious career again, but the clock is ticking. So the money issue is hanging over my head too – and I really do not want to give in to a fear of economic insecurity. I want to keep my faith and remember that all my needs are being met. As usual, I’m having a little trouble with God’s timing…funny how that works!

    I have had to accept that I am highly intuitive and have had messages given to me throughout my life. I have been directed to write, which I love to do, but I was actually encouraged to share the messages on a blog. I pray over these and especially before putting them ‘on paper’. Even though the messages are uplifting, loving and full of encouragement, it is like coming out of the closet.

    I am Christian, have studied Theology courses at University and have completed Ancient Wisdom studies with a spiritual teacher – an Anglican Priest who is a Hermit (though she is teaching at local universities more than she is ‘hermiting’! The sum total of all my seeking is to accept that the Spirit will chose when and how it will communicate. I understand the Oneness of all in the Universe and know that we are all here fulfilling our soul’s purposes with the guidance of the Divine Source.

    But it is STILL difficult to accept that I have no income, no job prospects and am to obey by sharing Good News with people even though it is all just going out to the netherlands!

    May you have great abundance and many outlets to share God’s Love. – Amy

  2. Tuesday, May 25, 2010 3:13 PM

    Thanks for stopping by Amy.

    It always surprises me how blogging can connect us and encourage us when we think we’re alone.

    I believe God has a purpose and a destiny for everyone. I pray God speaks to your heart and gives you peace. His peace surpasses all understanding. That is certain in my heart.


  3. Kass permalink
    Tuesday, May 25, 2010 3:20 PM

    I hope God will answer your prayers soon and swiftly. The economy’s tough but God is faithful! Thanks for the update. 🙂

  4. Tuesday, May 25, 2010 3:38 PM

    Blessings on your new journey in Him. Embrace it, and see how the Lord will surprise you.

  5. Tuesday, May 25, 2010 4:45 PM

    This is a beautiful and sad post! I know God has a purpose for all this but it just isn’t known yet. I’ll be praying for you and this new trial.

  6. Thursday, May 27, 2010 12:42 PM

    If only more than 85 people could hear this.

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